Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a £500 suit.
“What!?” I answered, gagging at the price tag. “I’ve bought cars for £500!”
“That’s why I want the £500 suit,” he said. “So I don’t have to drive £500 cars.”
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes! How did you figure that out?”
“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, How did you figure that out?”
“Didn’t feel a thing!”
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer.
“Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?”
Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason.
“My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her,” I told the C.O.
Much to my surprise he said, “Permission granted.”
Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass.
His wife wasn’t pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend re-sponded,
“My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her.”
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”
