At this time of night

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage, Police

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2AM and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

The good old days

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.

“When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!”

Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore….they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.”

Not going that fast

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding.
The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?”
The driver says, “Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!”
The cop says, “Really! Why is that?”

The driver replies, “I could not have been going 60 miles an hour because I’ve only been out driving for 25 minutes.”

Farmer John

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.
“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:SLOW–SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers.
The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up.
So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?”
The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.”
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
“How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign… it
might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers…”
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY
GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

Highway Patrol Ball

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman’s Ball..”

He replied, “Highway Patrolman don’t have balls.”

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.