Old man

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”

Impress the girl

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?”

The trainer replied; “Use the ATM outside!!!”

Don’t Mess With Old People

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?”

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.
He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. “My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today ..”
At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.”

The nurse fainted …! Old Harold just smiled!

DON’T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!

Modern Medicine

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never
been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into
her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with
water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned
with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it
got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

“Miss Beatrice”, he said. “I wonder if you would tell me about this?”
pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all
winter?”

Dear John

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

Why Men Shouldn’t Write Advice Columns…

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work,
leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about
a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help.
When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbor’s daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair
for the past six months. he won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I am a
wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused
by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking
that there is no debris in the fuel line. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps, John