Wearing off!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!”
The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”

Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”

Will anyone?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A lady comes to fortune-teller, who can read palms.
Will anyone marry me?
No.
But you haven’t even looked at my palm.
I see it from your face…

So long

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, “Thanks for putting up with me so long.”

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

“Just where do you think you going?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”

6 again.

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong.

What’s your excuse?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit smoking.

One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.”

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.”

He replied, “But they stunt your growth.”

She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied he never had.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, “So, what’s your excuse?”