Little Johnny’s mother was trying hard to get some ketchup to come out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old Johnny to answer the phone.
Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone.
“Mummy, It’s the minister,” he said to his mother.
From the kitchen Johnny’s Mum said, “Tell him I’ll call him back.”
Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, “Mummy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now, she’s hitting the bottle.”
A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, “I had sex with my teacher today.”
“Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!” says the mom.
A while later the father comes home and the mom says, “Go up to your son’s room and talk to him. He’s been really bad today.”
Dad goes up to the son’s room and asks why mom is so mad. “I told her I had sex with my teacher today,” replied the boy.
“Alright! That’s my boy!”, says dad. “Ya know son, women just don’t think like men. But I’m proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That’s my boy! Ya know what? I’m so proud of you I’m gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you’ve been wanting!”
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. “You gonna ride it home son?” asks dad.
The boy replied, “Nah, my ass is still sore.”
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost.
While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
“Well, Dad,” said Pete, “I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”
“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.”
“I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”
A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement.
Out of sight but not out of earshot, her mother overheard her say,
“Here’s a picture of my Mummy when she was a little girl. I wasn’t there, but people say she used to be nice.”
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
“You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, “Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”
