A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally
became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine
months later.
The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever
seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be
the father of that child.
“Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!” Then he gave her
a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?”
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time”!
Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn’t find a thing for her grandson.
“Maybe a video or something educational?” I asked.
“No, that’s not it,” she said.
We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye: a laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.
“This is perfect,” she said, beaming. “My daughter-in-law will hate it.”
Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.
Tommy left for a bit and said “Ok Grandpa, watch this”. Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.
The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.
Tommy said “Grandpa I can’t keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That’s why I was able to do that.”
Grandpa said “No, you keep it.”
The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks.
Tommy said “No Grandpa. You already paid me.”
Grandpa replied “That money was from Grandma.”
“Hi Mum, How are you?”
“Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware”
“Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”
“What happened?”
“Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”
“What on earth? Why did you do that?????”
“Well it wasn’t my fault, Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.”
