Total Humour

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

“Whoa!” the second kid replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office.

“We have come for an examination,” said the young girl.

“Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.”

“No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.”

“Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick out your tongue….”

At a mental health hospital a psychiatrist sets a test to determine the mental progress of his three top patients.

He gets three chairs and repaints them. Before they dry, he repositions them in a room in such a way that one is in front of the other.
After this, he calls the three patients and asks them to sit down.

The first two gladly sit on the wet chairs at the front.
However, the third who comes in last takes one look at the wet chair and then proceeds to the corner of the room where there is a pile of papers.
He takes one sheet which he drapes on the wet chair before sitting.

Surprised by the action of the third, the doctor asks him why he draped the sheet of paper on the wet chair, “that’s easy,” came the reply, “seeing that am seated at the back, I needed to be a bit raised if I wanted to see what’s happening at the front”

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.

The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?”
The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we’ve managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we’ll give it to you on your way out.