Where have you been?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

Arriving home from work at my usual time of 5p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.

By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so before a fight started in earnest I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, “Honey, I’m home!”

“And just where have you been?” she replied sharply. “It’s after seven o’clock!”

Too drunk

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Drunk

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, “No way buddy you’re too drunk.”

A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs, “give me a drink”, bartender says “No man I told you last time you’re too drunk”

Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, “You’re too drunk”

The drunk scratches his head and says “Damn I must be… the last two places said the same thing.”