Learning From Teachers

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Family, Kids

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

Forgotten Anniversary

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE”.

The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.

No needles

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Doctor

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

“No way! No needles. I hate needles” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again.

“I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!”

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection,” the patient says. “‘I’m fine with pills.”

The dentist steps out of the office and returns a moment later, “Here’s a Viagra.”

The patient says, “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a painkiller!”

“It doesn’t” said the dentist, “but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

Half a job!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Drunk, Marriage

A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys.
As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?”
The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”