Two words

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids, Students

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.

THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.
The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.

After about a minute or so, he spoke…
“From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is “gross”
And the other one is “cool”
Are there any questions?”

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks… “So, what are they?”

The Dentist

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Work

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”

The guy, surprised, says “Yes! How did you figure that out?”

“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, How did you figure that out?”

“Didn’t feel a thing!”

No girlfriend?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.

“I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something.” she suggested.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” I answered.

“No girlfriend? Why not?”

“My wife won’t let me.”

Ketchup

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

Little Johnny’s mother was trying hard to get some ketchup to come out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old Johnny to answer the phone.

Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone.
“Mummy, It’s the minister,” he said to his mother.

From the kitchen Johnny’s Mum said, “Tell him I’ll call him back.”

Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, “Mummy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now, she’s hitting the bottle.”

Still sore

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, “I had sex with my teacher today.”

“Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!” says the mom.

A while later the father comes home and the mom says, “Go up to your son’s room and talk to him. He’s been really bad today.”

Dad goes up to the son’s room and asks why mom is so mad. “I told her I had sex with my teacher today,” replied the boy.

“Alright! That’s my boy!”, says dad. “Ya know son, women just don’t think like men. But I’m proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That’s my boy! Ya know what? I’m so proud of you I’m gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you’ve been wanting!”

So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. “You gonna ride it home son?” asks dad.

The boy replied, “Nah, my ass is still sore.”