Farmer John

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.
“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:SLOW–SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers.
The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up.
So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?”
The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.”
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
“How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign… it
might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers…”
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY
GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

A picture of my Mummy

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement.

Out of sight but not out of earshot, her mother overheard her say,
“Here’s a picture of my Mummy when she was a little girl. I wasn’t there, but people say she used to be nice.”

Just one wish

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof — the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.”
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof — the husband was 90.

It was you!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Drunk

Two drunken men were driving home.
The first started screaming: “Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall!”
Baaaaam! They hit the wall.

The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend:
“You good for nothing, I’ve been screaming for you to watch out, why didn’t you?”
Jim answered him: “IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!”

Four letter word

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes

The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him,
“What’s a four letter word, ending in U – N – T that means ‘woman’?”

The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up.
“Aunt, your Holiness.”

The Pope didn’t speak for a second. “Oh.” He paused. “Do you have an eraser?”