NOW RUN!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house.
Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.
The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.
He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?”

The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”

£200

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher singled him out.
“If I gave you £200,” the teacher began, “and you gave £50 to Mary, £50 to Sally and £50 to Susan, what would you have?”

“An orgy,” Johnny answered.

None of your business

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

Worried that they hadn’t heard anything for days from the elderly widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son,

“Tony, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Pierpoint is?”

A few minutes later, Tony returned.

“Well, is she all right?” asked the mother.

“She’s fine, but she’s rather annoyed with you,” remarked Tony.

“At me?” the mother exclaimed. “Whatever for?”

Tony replied, “Mrs. Pierpoint said it’s none of your business how old she is.”

Too Much Hunting

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made
my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to
load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

She sleepily replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in
that shit?”

Where’s the tent

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”

Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”