Weekend pass

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Work

Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason.

“My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her,” I told the C.O.
Much to my surprise he said, “Permission granted.”

Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass.
His wife wasn’t pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend re-sponded,
“My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her.”

Just one copy

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Work

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”

Highway Patrol Ball

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman’s Ball..”

He replied, “Highway Patrolman don’t have balls.”

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

Trouble at the zoo

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Animals, Kids, Police

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

“They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor,” he said.

“Boys,” said the judge sternly, “I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.

Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong.”

“My name is George,” said the first boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Pete,” said the second boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Mike,” said the third boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Peanuts,” said the fourth boy.

Pull Buddy, pull

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Animals

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.

Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”