I’ll wait

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

Sam had just proposed marriage to the love of his life and she had turned him down.
“If you don’t marry me immediately,” he threatened, “I’ll go to the lake, cut a hole in the ice, dive in and drown myself.”

“Why this is May. The ice won’t cover the lake for eight months!”

“O.K., then I’ll wait.”

Holy Trick

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

Worm trick

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Family, Kids

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.

Tommy left for a bit and said “Ok Grandpa, watch this”. Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.

The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.

Tommy said “Grandpa I can’t keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That’s why I was able to do that.”

Grandpa said “No, you keep it.”

The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks.

Tommy said “No Grandpa. You already paid me.”

Grandpa replied “That money was from Grandma.”

She may be dead!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

There were two old men sitting on a park bench talking.
One old man asked the other, “How is your wife?”

Second old man replied, “I think she may be dead!”

First old man, “What do you mean you THINK she may be dead?”

Second old man, “Well… the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up.”

Need to see what’s happening

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Doctor

At a mental health hospital a psychiatrist sets a test to determine the mental progress of his three top patients.

He gets three chairs and repaints them. Before they dry, he repositions them in a room in such a way that one is in front of the other.
After this, he calls the three patients and asks them to sit down.

The first two gladly sit on the wet chairs at the front.
However, the third who comes in last takes one look at the wet chair and then proceeds to the corner of the room where there is a pile of papers.
He takes one sheet which he drapes on the wet chair before sitting.

Surprised by the action of the third, the doctor asks him why he draped the sheet of paper on the wet chair, “that’s easy,” came the reply, “seeing that am seated at the back, I needed to be a bit raised if I wanted to see what’s happening at the front”