Popular girl

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Doctor

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.

The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?”
The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”

Worms

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the
experiment with the worms.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol – dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke – dead.
Third worm in sperm – dead.
Fourth worm in soil – alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class – “What can you learn from this experiment.”

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said –
“As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won’t have worms.”

Troublesome bats

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, “Ya
know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft
and attic at church. I’ve tried everything, noise, spray, cats, but nothing
seems to scare them away.

Another said, “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in
the attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”

The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the
church… Haven’t seen one back since!”

Trembling Little Old Lady

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police

One day, a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young clerk couldn’t help but notice her, first, because she reminded him of his dear old grandmother, and second because she was twitching violently and trembling, even more than his grandmother did.

“Young m-m-m-man?” she stammered to the clerk, “Do you sell v- v-vibrators here?”

“Yes ma’am, we do,” he replied, a little embarrassed.

“B-b-b-big fl-fl-fluorescent oh-oh-orange ones?” asked the old lady.

“Yes ma’am, we have some like that.”

“The t-t-type about s-s-s-sixteen inches l-l-l-l-long?”

“Yes ma’am, we’ve got just about any size you’d want,” said the young clerk.

“The k-k-kind that t-t-t-t-takes eight D-D-D Cell b-b-b-b-batteries?”

“Yes ma’am we carry some like that.”

“Well, c-could you t-t-t-tell me how the h-h-hell you turn it off?”

Why don’t you ever do that?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage, Work

A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer’s wife says, “Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?”

“Yes Ma, I reckon I do,” replied the sleepy farmer.

“Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol’ kiss. Why don’t you ever do that?”

The farmer sighed and said, “Well, I reckon I can, but I just don’t know her very well.”