The Sparrow

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Animals

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you’re warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.

One phone call

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Family

“Hi Mum, How are you?”

“Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware”

“Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”

“What happened?”

“Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”

“What on earth? Why did you do that?????”

“Well it wasn’t my fault, Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.”

You’ve had two warnings!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People

As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards
with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden
of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off
the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the
road. He went inside a building marked “Registration” and saw
an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

“Exactly what do you do here?” he asked.

“It’s quite simple,” said the receptionist. “This is a nudist
camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature.”

“Cool,” said the guy, “count me in!” So he paid his member-
ship fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked
along a path, he saw a big sign which read, “Beware of Gays.”
A little further along he saw another sign which read the
same thing: “Beware of Gays.”

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which
had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read
the plaque and it said, “Sorry, you’ve had two warnings!”

Job applications

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Work

A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications.
She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother
to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that
on all five applications, under “Previous Employment”, she
had listed “Baby-sitting”.

But then she read, under “Reason for Leaving” her daughter
had answered, “Parents came home.

Leave the light on

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.

Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.