Where’s your grammar?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

“What did your mother do yesterday morning. Vicky?”

“She done her shopping, ma’am.”

“Done her shopping, Vicky? Where’s your grammar?”

“She done her shopping as well, ma’am.”

But why do you want a divorce?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Marriage

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”

I can’t get out

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, People, Work

An airline captain was helping a new flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”
“You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?”
She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Grandad got burnt

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Kids

Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher.
Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?”
Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.”
Teacher “Was he burned very bad?”
Johnny “Yes Miss, they don’t mess around at these crematoriums you know.”

Found you!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Police, Work

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper.
Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, “This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.”

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more, they had to know who they had found.
They called the police and said, “We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.”

The police said, “It’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.”

“Well, who was it?”

“The 1956 National Hide-and-Seek Champion.”