She stood him up!

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Dating

Steven Hawking came back from his 1st date in 10 years.
Glasses smashed, broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees…….
Apparently she stood him up!

Good night beautiful

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Family

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere”, he pleaded with a proprietor.
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy” admitted the manager,
and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.

“No problem.” the tired Army guy assured him, “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
“How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better”, said the soldier. The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?”
“No, I shut him up in no time”, explained the soldier.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the proprietor.

“Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek” explained the soldier.
“Then, I whispered in his ear ‘Good night beautiful’, and he sat up all night watching me.”

Experience with groceries?

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Work

The man applied for a job with a chain food store.
“What is your experience with groceries?” asked the interviewer.
“Well,” said the applicant. “I’m eating them all the time.”

Will be held against you

Posted by: Joe King  /  Category: All Jokes, Drunk

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.”

The drunk replies, “Boobs.”