Peter says. Doctor, I see double!
Sit on the chair please the doctor says.
Which one? Peter replied.
A drunk gets up from the bar to take a leak.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.
“What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!”
“I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and
every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that
helicopter”.
Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that
helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars”.
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85
years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another
chance.”
Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50
dollars is 50 dollars”.
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal.
I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the
entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say one
word, it’s 50 dollars.”
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of
fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks
over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot
turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get
you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”
Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something
when Esther fell out, but you know — 50 dollars is 50 dollars”
A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow.
Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller’s gaze, steadied his voice, and asked his question:
“Will I be found guilty?”
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America .
A lady came and asked him, “Are you relaxing?”
Singh answered, “No, I am Banta Singh”.
Another guy came and asked the him the same question.
Singh answered, “No No Me Banta Singh!”
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, “Are you Relaxing?”
The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered,”Yes,I am relaxing.”
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, “Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!”